The Grey Butterflies of Life

Reflections drawn from life, my bout with mental illness, and experience of founding MindHug

From the time we take our first breath, we try to make sense of our experience. We see, hear, feel, love and perhaps most intriguing of all, we think. We are taught things by parents, siblings, teachers, friends, and partners. We hold on to what we are taught. It defines our values, beliefs, choices and our relationship with the environment, cosmos, and people around us.

We are taught good overcomes evil, intelligence makes human beings superior, death represents a finality, family is everything, actions have consequences, and what we cannot comprehend is the will of the universe. We define our own experience with labels…good, evil, intelligence, death, family, and universe. And then we create and believe our own stories around them. Sometimes these stories are just not helpful.

Labels were helpful when as monkeys we wanted the ripest fruit. But language is limiting. Wars have been fought over ideology, relationships ruined by ego and trauma passed through generations.

My bout with mental illness and experience of founding MindHug have taught me one important lesson. Life is not black and white … but grey. I would have preferred to not use the term “grey” as that just puts another label. But I am still trying to get out of my monkey brain.

Life is just a series of butterfly effects — small moments that combine to make our present. Some moments we choose, many we do not, most we may not even be aware of. Even our own choices are shaped by what we are taught and the stories that make the human experience.

So go easy on yourself! You are not a failure for struggling to make money, losing a job, being single, doing something you are not proud of, or for any other reason. Circumstances are complicated!

That’s what mindfulness means by focussing on the present moment. The choices we have made, the situations we have been in, are too “grey” to be put into words or thoughts. And doing so can be limiting and not good for your own mental health. The one thing we can do is experience the present moment as a moment — not why we are here, where we have to go, but just the experience of it. Feel the wind on your face, smell the roses and just listen to that song.

Buddhist Monk, Thích Nhất Hạnh once said, “Suppose a man is struck by a poisoned arrow and the doctor wishes to take out the arrow immediately. Suppose the man does not want the arrow removed until he knows who shot it, his age, his parents, and why he shot it. What would happen?”

We may not know most things and the labels we put on the present moment might just be an evolutionary hangover. But the one truth we can be sure of is that we are “experiencing” something and that’s the beauty of life. Perhaps when we experience the present moment without assuming cause and effect, without labels, we can get a subtler grasp of reality. This could lead to a better understanding of life, relationships and the pursuit of happiness.

By no means does this article make me a saint. I will still get angry, I will still be sad when a relationship is strained, I will still struggle to forgive, and I will still be frustrated by failed business deals. But slowly I hope to peel the grey layers of this onion and begin to love myself and others, forgive myself and others, live in the present and try to help others through MindHug.